Avatar – Movie Review
ByAvatar: 3D – Movie Review
Sexy Blue “Jazz Hands” Across Pandora!
by Theresa Bane
Where to begin with my movie review of “Avatar?” I suggest that if you have not already read my previous blog, “Avatar: Blue has never been so Sexy” that you start there. In that bit of literature that will be hailed by future generations as “A Brilliant Masterpiece” I give my pre-assessment of the movie as well as what I suspect the plot/storyline will be in whole based on nothing else but having seen the movie previews and several commercials. So, if you have not, stop reading right now and go read it. If you already have, then by all means, do proceed.
Now, before you see the movie know this: it is a staggering three hours long. Also, a quick note on the computer animation that made Sigourney Weaver look good – don’t buy into the hype, it was just good. And by “good” I mean just that, “good,” not “great” or “wonderful” or “substandard,” just regular, plain old white bread “good.”
But I digress.
Everything on the planet of Pandora, where the movie takes place, is overcast in blue and highlighted with annoying Day-Glo colors, but is still somehow beautiful-the plants, the animals and the indigenous blue skinned, cat-faced people. Every single one of the sexy blue people is perfectly formed and beautiful. (There is not even the token Fat Blue Person or Nerdy Looking Person. Talk about racism). The aliens are living in perfect harmony with everything else on the planet with the added benefit of having a tail that can literally plug into the flora and fauna and allow the life forms to interact with one another on a higher Matrix like level. For instance, the Sexy Blue People do not have to learn to ride a six legged horse-like animal, all they have to do is let the stringy squid-like appendage on the end of their tail interweave with the stringy squid-like appendage on the horse-like creature.
There were a great many little things wrong with the film that cumulatively began to bother me. For instance, I know that the viewing of “Avatar” I saw was in 3D. I knew that when I was given the ticket. I was reminded again when the ticket girl handed me a pair of 3 D glasses and asked me if I knew how to use them (no kidding).I knew it when the movie preview began and the words on the screen told me to put the glasses on (without additional instructions, mind you). I knew it when the commercials were in 3D and I knew it when the movie itself finally started and I actually saw it in 3D. What really made my brain hurt was when Jake Skully made it to the planet and began to walk in the jungle in his Avatar body. Leaves were everywhere. Pollen and bugs filled the air. There was ALWAYS- A-L-W-A-Y-S-ALWAYS something in the foreground falling or fluttering or zipping by. I get it, the move is in 3D and they are showing depth of space. So what? All that is really, really annoying. Not as annoying as the nearly endless chase scenes that are fast and blurry and contributing to my headache, but still, fairly annoying.
Another bit of kack that bothered me is “kissing.” Why would these Sexy Blue People kiss when they have these highly sensitive stringy squid-like tails that can interface with everything? Kissing, I would think, would be no more stimulating to the SBP than “Rocky Horror Picture Show” elbow sex. I would have bet real money that they would have let their stringy squid-like tails get it on.
Another thing that really bothered me was how utterly predictably the dialogue in the movie was. Not only were I and my movie going companions saying the next line ahead of the characters on screen, but so were several other folks in the theater. Was it ever as obvious as “I want the truth…You can’t handle the truth!” Yea, it kind of was. Add to that the soundtrack itself was lifted from “Back Draft,” “Conan” and “Star Wars,” nothing was original music, I don’t care what the credits say. Of particular note was the “Imperial March” you know it, the music that Darth Vader always makes an entrance to and walks down hallways by. They over used it, a lot.
There were a couple of scenes where the SPB get together and do what looks like a Disney choreographed dance with a lot of synchronized swaying and use of jazz hands to channel their collective feelings and transfer a soul from a human body into that of their avatar. Those were the “hands across Pandora” scenes that I mention in the subtitle of this review.
I will say this for the film, the director, or writer, or editor or whoever really did a good job of making me, a hard sell, feel social empathy for the Sexy Blue People. The name of the element that the Evil Corporation wants so badly that they were willing to kill for is (I kid you not) unobtainium. Was that meant to be a joke? Probably not but it produced a few eye rolls in the audience. We are told the biggest deposit of the stuff is sitting under the tree where these 10 foot tall aboriginals are living. What the corporation wants is for the SBP to move, but they won’t because the Tree is not just a tree, it is home to their ancestors and is connected to everything on the planet. The Space Marines who are under the command of a “blow them up and ask questions later” type commander, blew the hell up out of their most sacred and holy tree, Hometree. As I watched the aliens run around screaming and yelling and panicking and crying as their Hometree fell in the background it was very reminiscent of 9/11 and the Towers falling. In fact as it was their spiritual home as well as their physical home it was as if you added blowing up the Vatican and the Western Wall and the Ka’aba to the Twin Towers at the same time.
The commander delivers a speech that is, to my memory, almost word for word the brief one the President gave after the Towers fell, up to and including using the words “shock and awe.” Not cool. Not at all. It doesn’t matter what your political opinion is, how you feel about the war our country is currently involved in, I paid my $10 bucks to see a sci-fi movie not to watch anyone get on a soap box and preach at me. Here’s something to think about – the movie never bothered to tell you why unobtainium was so important to have other than that it was rare. In the very beginning of the movie there was a single fast line delivered that the home world of the humans was dying. It was quick and if your ears blinked you missed it. By the end of the movie the humans are very willing, itching in fact to commit genocide to have the unobtainium that lies under the Hometree. Well, what if the unobtainium was not a fuel used to power cars, heat homes and make pantyhose out of but rather the only element in the entire universe that could save the home world of the humans. Now it seems incredibly selfish that the Sexy Blue People will not let them have it or sell it to them at over inflated prices, thereby forcing the humans into drastic measures.
Everything I guessed in my pre-view was 100% correct.
But you have to admit, if you have seen the movie, the title of the blog is absolutely perfect! We were doing the wave in the theater and dancing in the seats with the Sexy Blue People, you know, how like they get seniors to do in place of actual exercise.
QtR – Theresa Bane, Vampirologist, waver of Jazz Hands and caller of “dibs” on reviewing “Clash of the Titans” when it comes out in 2010
Well, even after everything you said it still sounds better than the “Where the Wild things are” movie. I hate 3d stuff but i know that movies and theaters are having to compete with net flicks and i tunes downloads. i wonder how annoying the foreground stuff will be when i eventually see it but not in 3d?
Jules!
Have any of you read “Speaker for The Dead” by Orson Scott Card?
If you have, you would swear that James Cameron took the plot and script straight from Orson Scott Card. Aliens/Humans go to another planet, inhabit it, meet the indiginous peoples. The natives live in harmony with the environment. Card’s Piggies (natives) also have ancestors connected with tress and the nature of the forest.
Read “Speaker for The Dead” and stay home from watching Avatar (unless you want to see the cool CGI). Card has a way of immersing the reader into the lives of all the characters. Strong character development, strong plot line, no sexy blue people.
Just my humble opinion.
Ye Gods your right! First that JK Rolland woman stole “Ender’s Game” and named it Harry Potter and now this!
I let my wife drag me to this movie on the condition that she first read the other blog, the pre-movie review. 1/2 way through the film she leans over and whispers in my ear “I’m sorry.”
I waved my right to gloat “I told you so” for the next three days in lieu of getting a steak dinner at Longhorn.
Thanks buzzy!
I disagree completely with you,
as for the 3D aspect I admit I was not looking forward to it; however once the movie began I was shocked. Unlike all the other movies where you have to suffer through the movie in ridicules eye-wear for the three scenes that are in 3D, Avatar was and is how 3D was meant to be the entire movie was wowing in the graphical department, as some one who works with 3d animation even I was impressed. In the jungle scene I loved the field of depth, it made me feel more connected like I was truly their. I Found the storyline compelling and inspirational offering a large array of application through interpretation. now for the missing pieces you point out all i have to say is that, perhaps you need to spend more time with a few good books as opposed to day time T.V, not every thing needs to be spelled out for the viewer as long as certain concepts are understood. If the story is “a child bounces his orange ball and breaks a lamp” do you really need to know if the ball was rubber or silicon, no just understand the point of the ball in the story: it bounced, it broke the lamp. So really need the story what difference dose it make if the unobtainium was a substitute for fossil fuel or our only chance at saving earth. The point is they wanted it and would do anything to take it including disregarding the lives and spiritual beliefs of another species/race.
As for the political undertones, if you want to complain about using a medium such as video to support a particular belief, be it political, religious, or anything else. Then you better get started cause that includes just about every decent movie, book and story every convinced.
If you ask me you had your mind made up before even going to see this movie as evident from you previous blog on the subject. As the saying goes look hard enough for something and you’ll find it. You even go so far in your rantings above to critique how an alien species would make out, give me a break!
Movie goers take it from me if you like the sci-fi genre and/or animated features Avatar is a Must see! Or don’t take my word for it, look at it’s box office ratings.
Hello Don,
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You think “Avatar” is a wonderful special effect movie chock full of 3d amazement. TB did as well but thought it was too over the top to be enjoyable. Go back and re-read what she wrote more slowly, and without anger, and you will notice that you in fact agree with her.
Normally I do not comment back on a blog after I leave a response, however, in your case I will make an exception. Here is a life lesson for ya: the way to win an argument is not by insulting the person you wish to debate with. It makes your point, no matter how valid it may or may not be, look all that much weaker. More so is the case when you don’t bother to even attempt to use proper spelling, grammar, or punctuation.
True, “Avatar” is doing wonderful at the box office and lots of people seem to like it. But the success of the movie does not invalidate anything TB said. The storyline that you claim to find compelling was not, let’s be honest here, but it was nicely covered up with pretty eye-candy. A mink on a pig is still a pig, as pretty as the mink, or pig for that matter, may be.
Ye gods and little fishes, it’s like you got a man-cursh on James Cameron or something.
Don – get a grip on yourself. James Cameron took the synopsis from Walt Disney’s Pocahontas and made it into Avatar.
In 1607 (2154), a ship carrying John Smith (Jake Skully) arrives in the lush new world of North America (Pandora). The settlers are mining for gold (unobtanium) under the supervision of Governor Ratcliff (Colonel Quantas) John Smith (Jake Skully) begins exploring the new territory, and encounters Pocahontas (Neytiri). Initially she is distrustful of him, but a message from Grandmother Willow (the Tree of Life) helps her overcome the trepidation. the two begin spending time together, Pocahontas (Neytri) helps John Smith (Jake Skully) understand that all life is valuable, and how all nature is a connected circle of life. Furthermore she teaches him how to hunt (tame dragons), and of her culture. We find that her father is Chief Powhatan (Eytucan), and that she is set to be married to Kocoum (Tsutey), a great warrior, but a serious man whom Pocahontas (Neytiri) does not desire. Over time John Smith (Jake Skully) and Pocahontas (Neytiri) find they have a love for each other. Back at the settlement, the men who believe the natives are savages, plan to attack the natives for the gold (unobtanium). Kocoum (Tsutey) tries to kill John Smith (Jake Skully) out of jealousy, but he is later killed by settlers. As the settlers prepare to attack, John Smith (Jake Skully) is blamed by the Indians (Navi) and is sentenced to death. Just before they kill him, the settlers arrive. Chief Powhatan (Eytucan is nearly (actually) killed and John Smith (Jake Skully) sustains injuries from Governor Radcliffe (Colonel Quantas) who is then brought to justice (shot with arrows). Pocahontas (Neytiri) risks her life to save john smith (Jake Skully). Pocahontas (Neytiri) and John Smith (Jake Skully) finally have each other and the two cultures resolve their differences (prepare for a return in the sequel).
Michelle S.
Don,
Huge box office numbers don’t add up to anything but money, not quality. People go to see movies based on the strength of the appeal of its advertising. The movie can’t be judged as good or bad until AFTER you have seen it. What that means is that America doles out $8-10 a pop on spec, hoping its worth it . . . not knowing it is. It is easy to get carried away with the beautiful colors and depth of field of a movie like Avatar, but in the end, it still has to rest on the value of its story. In this case, it was a story that we have been subjected to by Hollywood enough. I think that you sounded angry and bitter. You may not be. Its never a good idea to get upset just because every other person doesn’t share your every idea. Also, try and show a little decorum when you disagree. After all, the absence of manners is frankly, the absence of class. Be well Don.
Buzzy, keep right on posting these reviews. I don’t let reviews dictate what I watch but do deeply enjoy these musings by Theresa Bane. Emerson, in his essay “Self-Reliance” said “. . . speak what you think today in words as hard as cannon-balls, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today.”
ha ha Don, Avatar won 1 award at the Oscars! For Best Eye-Candy
I love the Avatar 3D film, especially the story line, not only it brings a very new sensation but inspiring ideas of humanity. I heard the New Avatar 2 is comming soon, can’t wait to watch it again…!
it is really exciting to watch 3d movies. i hope that there would be 3d sexy movies too.~**
3d movies are so cool, i just wish that we could watch 3d movies on TV,.*
There are 3D televisions that you can purchase but they are expensive and you still need to wear those glasses. Word out is that Toshiba has the technology for 3D tv WITHOUT the glasses. It’ll be very expensive and no release date has been mentioned in any release but my guess is it will be as affordable as a Kindle or Nook in 5 or 6 years.